


you had me at 'lizzie borden flower crown edits'

by lobotomycastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is a Good Dad, Dean Winchester Is A Good Dad, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Humor, M/M, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lobotomycastiel/pseuds/lobotomycastiel
Summary: Claire brings home a familiar face. Dean has a crisis.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Marie (Supernatural: Fan Fiction)/Claire Novak
Comments: 5
Kudos: 64





	you had me at 'lizzie borden flower crown edits'

**Author's Note:**

> Blame the Discord for this one. I wrote this in maybe an hour because SOMEONE (Oliver) decided to smack me with inspiration at midnight. This has been (lightly) edited and expanded for posting here. 
> 
> It is pure humor, I thought the concept was hilarious and couldn't physically stop myself from writing it.

“Absolutely not,” is what Dean says to Claire when he finds her making out with her new girlfriend in her room. He’d come in to tell her to finish up her chores before dinner, and instead fore _s_ _ure_ got an eyeful of her and Marie kissing, then immediately stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Claire’s heart twinges with fear; logically, it’d be fucking weird if Dean was a homophobe, considering he’s actively dating Cas, but…

And that’s when Marie says the weirdest thing. “Oh fuck. I know your dad.” 

“What? How? This is the first time you’ve even been here!” She met Marie online through Twitter: they’re both into true crime ( _on_ _ly_ the girl murderers, Ted Bundy was stupid), agree that Stranger Things is overrated, and think people who drink La Croix unironically are sick in the head. They’re perfect for each other, and this week is gonna be amazing. 

Marie _finally_ saved up enough money from her part-time blogging job (which, hell yeah, Claire’s dating a _professional writer_ , Marie is so _cool_ ) to fly out to Kansas and visit her. She’d snuck her into the bunker at 2 am, because it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, and they'd spent the entirety of last night listening to music and talking about life. Somehow, this had never come up. 

“Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but he’s a hunter, right? He helped me back in high school with something. And he and I did _not_ get along.”

“Huh? He usually gets along with everyone, especially kids.” Claire gets up from her bed to go finish her chores, and Marie tags along. They’re gonna have to face Dean sometime tonight, might as well be now. Whatever problem he has with Marie, he can say it to her face, and fuck him if he wants them to break up, because there’s no way in hell she’s ending this just because Dean wants them to. 

“You remember how I told you I used to want to do musical theater? And how I wrote a musical for a book series I was super into and performed it?” She nods. Marie had told her about how she had the cringiest phase back in high school where she got obsessed with these _Supernatural_ books written by some hack author, Carver something. 

“Well, long story short, the Greek muse Calliope brought the monsters from the play to life and started killing people who didn’t want to see the musical performed, and your dad and his brother killed it.” 

“...Wow,” she replies, because what else can she say to that? This is such a… one-in-a-billion coincidence! Dean should find this more funny than anything! What’s he freaking out about?

When they come downstairs, they find Cas and Dean arguing at the table, which is weird because they never argue, like ever. At least, not where she can see them. 

“...you’re letting your personal emotions get in the way of Claire’s happiness, Dean! Every parenting book I’ve read says that we should support her on her journey--”

“This isn’t about her journey, okay, I’m ecstatic she’s gay! Or bi, or whatever the kids are calling themselves now! What I don’t understand is why she has to date _this particular girl_ and not someone normal!”

“Normal _how?_ Are you upset she’s dating a… a blogger? You don’t think that’s a real job? Is that it? Help me understand what strange hang-up you have about this!” 

“Hang-up? Can’t you see she’s doing this just to make me mad? The _one girl_ on the planet that I wouldn’t be okay with her having home for the holidays--”

“There you go again! Making it about you!" 

“Why can’t she just rebel by dating a pothead or something? Not by bringing home the same chick who wrote a damn musical about me and Sam!” 

Cas rolls his eyes. “Oh, for the love of all that is holy, Dean, is that _all?_ ”

“Yeah, _Dean_ , is that all?” Claire holds Marie’s hand as they stand in front of the two of them, and at least Cas has the decency to look embarrassed at being caught gossiping about them. Dean, on the other hand, just goes all red and grits his teeth. More temper tantrums, here we go. 

“Claire, I’m sure… _Marie_ here is a perfectly nice girl, but words cannot express how much I would rather have seen you using my credit card to order strippers to the bunker before snorting cocaine off a Men of Letters archive book.” 

_“Dean Michael Winchester!”_ Cas hisses, and holy shit, she’s never even heard Dean’s full government name before. Also, Michael? Really? That doesn’t even sound good. And Cas is madder than she’s ever seen him, getting all Fury-of-the-Lord while wearing a robe and fuzzy slippers. It’d be funny if it wasn’t a little scary. 

“What? It’s fuckin’ weird, Cas! And I’m not gonna have it! Not under this roof!” 

“I… think I should go. I’ve got enough money for a hotel,” Marie says, and oh no, Dean does not get to ruin her first real date and her first real relationship for her just because her girlfriend wrote a crappy play about some crappier books when she was younger. Drastic measures need to be taken. 

“God, stop being a dick about it! You’re dating the possessed husk of my dad and I don’t say anything about that!” Which gets her resounding silence from the entire room. Maybe that was a low blow, but she doesn’t care right now. Besides, it’s true, and it makes both Dean and Cas wince. 

Okay, so it was a bit too low of a blow. 

Before she can apologize, Dean speaks up, sounding like he’s in physical pain from having to talk about gay shit like _feelings_. “You know what? That’s. That’s fair. I’m not gonna pretend I’m pleased about it, but if you two are happy together, hey, mazel tov. I’ll help with the wedding invites.” Ha, folded like a cheap suit. She regrets nothing. When dealing with a human, always aim for the kneecaps, physically and metaphorically, just like Sam said. 

Marie, for her part, looks relieved as hell. “Thanks so much, Mr. Winchester, sir. Does this mean I can sleep over?” She looks to Claire hopefully, and she glances over at Cas and Dean. They’re still her dads, they get to decide who stays overnight. 

“Of course you can! Marie, you’re always welcome in our home--” Cas starts, and Dean finishes the sentence for him, “--as long as you two crazy kids are in separate bedrooms.” Cas glares at Dean, who's busy giving Marie the world's most condescending smile. 

Great, from potentially-homophobic to hating-her-girlfriend to overprotective weirdo in the span of maybe ten minutes. That’s Dean for you. She gives him an eye-roll, flips him off, and grabs Marie to go show her their room full of cursed objects. Her paranormal blog fans are gonna _flip_ when they see the pictures. 

  
Also, as if they’re _actually_ gonna sleep in separate bedrooms. Dean is such a clown.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos always appreciated! Find me on Tumblr as [@earth1610s](https://earth1610s.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Fun fact: Dean doesn't have a canon middle name, but he does have a fanon(-ish?) one [(Michael)](https://twitter.com/thejimmichaels/status/736273910908485633?lang=en) that one of the writers uses for him. 
> 
> I personally think it doesn't flow right, but eh. Maybe John was drunk when he named him.


End file.
